Give me something long and hard that cream comes out of Thursday, Feb 21 2008 

How many billions of times do you think that a cannoli has served as a euphemism for a penis? As you can see I have done my part to continue this tradition.

Anyway someone gave me a box of cannoli shells so following the recipe on the box I prepared a batch. Unfortunately because I wasn’t paying attention I bought and used twice as much ricotta cheese as was called for. Which conversely meant that I only used half as much flavoring. The end result was still pretty fair though so it didn’t matter. The question now is what the hell I’m going to do with a tub of cannoli filling. I tried to give it away to someone but that person forgot it so it’s still sitting in the refrigerator. who the hell came up with the word refrigerator anyway? fuck.

Well since I screwed up the recipe but it still tasted I’m calling this bout with italian cuisine a draw. The standings for this year are presently 2-1-1 with Italy leading. Then again I can make other italian meals besides the ones I’ve been trying out lately so on the whole I am not daunted by italian cuisine. I’m confident that when I face risotto again (I bought some italian rice for this purpose) I can conquer it so then it will only be pizza that still gives me difficulties. Hm.

By the way do I even need to tell you that there’s nothing good for you about eating a cannoli? A fried thing stuffed with fatty ricotta and sweets… It’s probably not thick enough to stay in place but I was thinking that having yogurt in the cannoli would be exponentially better than disgusting ricotta. I wonder if you could thicken yogurt with some gelatin?

Boiling with garlic Thursday, Feb 21 2008 

Although I know that everyone has been delighting in my recent failed attempts at making italian food, today I got back to basics with a recipe for “bollito misto” which is really just “boiled meat” and finally met with success. Italy 2, Reuche 1. This recipe really was exceedingly simple. I really think that anyone who has the physical capacity to cook would be able to make it. I’m not even sure you really need a recipe for it, you just need a big enough pot to fit everything in.

Coat some large hunk of beef with salt and pepper then sear each side in some olive oil (you know how those italians love olive oil), add broth and water to cover, toss in some aromatic vegetables, cover and heat it to boiling then lower back down to a simmer for an hour. Then toss in some potatos and carrots (chopped), at this point I put in some chopped garlic too even though it’s not the ideal time for it. Then after another hour when everything is done, take the meat and veg out and put them in something to keep warm (aluminum foil works) and reduce the liquid down. I personally added some corn starch (dissolved in cold water, never just add corn starch to something or it will lump up and do you no good) after it had reduced a bit to get a thicker gravy since I have trauma from my youth over thin, lumpy gravy. Slice the meat to your preference, and serve with the veg and gravy. Supposedly you are not to serve the aromatic vegetables, but what kind of a fucking waste is that? Do you have the money to throw in two onions and not eat them?

Now as I understand it, perhaps the gravy is just supposed to be for the vegetables and the Italians use a variety of sauces on the actual meat which as you would imagine is quite plain. But I thought the gravy turned out pretty good and I didn’t care about the other stuff. Anyway the meal did end out taking closer to 3 hours between it all than the cited 2:30. But the amount of time I was actually doing something was not great, maybe half an hour. Only the initial and final stages need a particular amount of attention.

I think it is worthy to take a moment to compare a beef roast, stew, and boiled meal, all of which I have made recently. Each one has various advantages and disadvantages. And there are differences in taste and margin of difficulty. Of course if you like beef “roasts” and are looking for some variations then you can just alternate all three ways.

Let me say that I’m a bit biased because I am not a fan of baking/roasting for a variety of reasons. “roasting a roast” is of course the most straightforward way to make it, preparation time is almost non-existent if you’re just putting a roast into an oven. Maybe you do it with vegetables, maybe you do it open in a pan or enclosed in a casserole or roaster. Maybe you do it with liquid, maybe you  baste periodically, maybe you do it dry. I don’t find roasting to be very enjoyable. I think a lot of people have a really hard time getting any given roast done “just right” and will generally overcook things to a large degree. A meat thermometer may or may not help you get a roast done properly. My main issue with roasting is the lack of flavor, although one could argue that the simplicity of flavor is a charm point as well.

Conversely, as a detractor of roasting I’m an advocate for stewing. Making a proper stew requires the most preparation time of these three general methods, but depending on the explicit method of stewing it and ingredients included it can take either the shortest or longest amount of time. If you have and use a pressure cooker (I do not) it does not take a great amount of time, at least not longer than roasting, but if you are simply simmering it over whatever heat source then the time it takes varies with the ingredients. Most meat that can get tender will stew to such a point in under two hours, 3 at the most, but if you want to cook some beans or barley or the likes in there those can actually take more time than the meat to get done. Because you can add or subtract any given ingredients at any time, stew has a certain advantage of being extremely customizable. Then again there’s nothing to stop you from separately making some gravy and noodles and beans to serve with a roast. So perhaps the advantage becomes just using one pot for everything. If you don’t have a big pot, or at that rate a large enough heat source, you can’t very well make stew though. Of course the thing about stew is that the stew you get is the stew you make. So you have to set your objectives at some point and go with them. As opposed to being able to put whatever sauce(s) you want on a roast or boiled meat.

As a to a boiled meal and how it’s distinct from stew, I think that in practice the two end out very similarly. I suppose if you were really just boiling the meat and veggies in water instead of broth or stock then it would end out the plainest tasting and also would be more distinct from stew, but that’s not how anyone I know does it. Like stew the advantage is being able to do everything in one pot, and like a roast another advantage is minimal preparation (you don’t actually have to sear the meat first if you don’t want to I suppose). I think this is the easiest method of the three, and if you make it the way that I started out this whole thing by mentioning then it’s fairly flavorful too. More elaborate gigantic pot, multi-meat and veggie variations of bollito misto exist which are presumably both more flavorful and complex to prepare exist among others.

Conversely I think that the margin of error is widest on simply preparing a boiled meal. Definitely it’s the narrowest when roasting. I also think that stewing and boiling doesn’t vary much by cut of meat but it definitely does when roasting. And subsequently the cheapest cuts of meat turn out best when stewed and worst when roasted. Or more like you can cover for them in a stew but when you roast them their weaknesses are completely exposed. I’m thinking of the toughness of cuts of meat in particular. Failing everything else, you can just cut meat up into very small bites for stew and hopefully in the midst of everything else it’s not that bad. But cutting up a roast into small bites doesn’t really help you out.

So saying these things, you usually see fancy chefs/restaurants serving roasted meat, and sometimes you will see stew, but outside of cultural dishes you aren’t going to see boiled meals. I don’t really eat out that much anyway, but there definitely isn’t an incentive to go out and order food that I can easily make myself. I think the main reason you don’t see them in restaurants is actually cooking time though.

Next up I plan to make fried pork cutlets in the italian style. Due to a stupid issue I even ended out making the bread crumbs for this recipe. So all the credit or blame will rest solely within my hands.