The Promised Iranian Porn Tuesday, Oct 7 2008 

porn and redtube and satire and women , , , , , , reuche 5:48 am

I’m not sure why people are coming to my blog looking for this, possibly because I have a link to “the blog of an Iranian woman” and tags for “porn” and “redtube” so if someone is looking for “iranian porn on redtube” and for some bizarre reason doesn’t just want to search redtube then they would get to my site.

Now as you all know I strive to keep my readers happy and not disappoint on the grounds of a lack of absurdity. So I scoured the “youtube-like” porn sites I know and the only ones that came up with videos with “Iranian” in the title were spankwire.com and slutload.com. Don’t ask why I know of a site called slutload… If you type in “Iran” at various other sites you might get grab bags of allegedly middle-eastern women but I can’t begin to identify their country or region or ethnicity. Let me swear this to you: I might be able to tell the difference between Lebanese and German pussy but I can not tell the difference between Turkish and Iranian pussy.

And since I stopped paying attention to such things there are quite a few other porn video sites out there so just try your luck, it’s out there. Just not on redtube. or youporn. I wish I could remember the one that was like fhll.com or something though, I bet it would pretend like it had something too.

 

Because people only care about my posts with redtube links Monday, Aug 11 2008 

BDSm and redtube , , , reuche 3:33 am

I guess that lately I had been amusing myself with math instead of porn, hard to believe for some I’m sure, but I know that other people are amused by some of the things I link so I thought I would share this. I just thought it was too damn funny. I guess the plot is that the larger (australian?) woman with the big knockers is punishing the smaller chickie who owes her money. None of the flogging is very hard but there is an abundance of it. Wait for (or seek ahead to) the part where she starts slapping the other woman around with her big tits. It made my day surely.

 

Even though I should stop posting porn links Saturday, May 10 2008 

fashion and opinion and porn and redtube , , reuche 4:35 pm

This little clip just amused me, I can’t say that I had ever imagined stripping, especially out of that outfit, to that song. But it did also remind me of some things I’ve said about fashion before.

Let me just lay it all out there for you: it doesn’t matter what kind of body you have, what you look like, how much you weigh, whatever; (experimenting with the semicolon) there are clothes that you’ll look good in and clothes that you’ll look bad in. And as a general rule of Butter the more you weigh the worse you look in tight clothes that have minimal coverage. Such as what that woman started out in. As the video goes on you can see that she has a decent body, nice and soft, she just needs to cover her midriff and not wear pants that cause her waist to pop over the hem like a muffin top. I guess what I’m saying is that even though you want clothes to be fit, the more they’re fit the more they need to cover.

Then again, humans just might never evolve out of poorly fitting clothes, too big, too small, people always seem to go one way or the other and think it’s fashion rather than idiocy. Then again, what is fashion if not that?

 

Panda Ring Sunday, Apr 13 2008 

absurdity and adult and BDSm and femdom and fire emblem and hot sex and porn and Q and A and redtube and videos , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , reuche 7:19 am

Q:”Is Suzaku really an asshole?” A: Yes. There isn’t an anime character or entity known as Suzaku who isn’t an asshole, let us all pray together that he will be rapidly executed in Code Geass.

Q:”What do you think of the female characters in Fire Emblem” A: There have been a lot of characters in the Fire Emblem franchise over the years and on the whole I’d say they’re hit and miss with a variety of some pretty good characters and a lot of really bad ones. Being a classical fantasy series FE prescribes mostly to the “dainty maiden” mold for its female characters, even the ones who are supposedly really strong (there have been some stand out “swordmasters” and in the GC game and its wii sequel there was the female wyvern rider) and tomboyish tend to be excessively girly in some way. Not to mention that most are priests or magicians or dancers… There is also a distinct lack of female main protagonists in the series. There finally was one in the third GBA game but even she had a brother complex so you know. I also am not going to forgive them for making the wonderful Lyndis from the 7th game only the lead of the prologue, they really squandered that one. As a separate issue I feel like they really fell down with the integration of the Laguz but I don’t want to go into that. I will also say that I don’t care for the limited number of uses per weapon, it’s really fucking annoying. Not as annoying as games where your weapons randomly break, but nonetheless. Of course the most annoying thing is that the characters can die for good. This is absolutely pointless because no one will ever really let their characters die and either they’ll just give up or they’ll replay the stage.

Q:”Is sodomy painful?” A: Of course it is, that’s the whole point. But you can eventually acclimate yourself to it, or perhaps take pleasure in the pain, and then it’s just somewhat uncomfortable because it’s unnatural. Just take a few measures of brandy before your first time and you’ll be fine.

On that note the thing that people now come to my blog looking for the most are interesting and amusing videos from redtube. Let it not be said that I ignore what my fans want. all links will open in a new window/tab

Here we have a man and a sex doll. Not a lot to say about that but it’s kind of interesting.

Here is quite possibly the worst sex scene I’ve seen in my life featuring two shemales who look to have been around and around the block.

This scene is a bit more interesting, a transsexual with a woman in some dominance play, always an interesting combination.

Here we have a woman with pierced nipples pegging (using a strap-on to fuck a man anally) a man who is allegedly her husband while stroking him off. Is he coming from the sodomy or the masturbation, you be the judge.

This is a longer version of the surreal large dildo insertion video that I linked earlier in the month, it starts with the inception (making) of the the dildo and eventually works its way into the usage of it. Because the human body (the vagina in particular) can only accommodate so much length such a large dildo is a novelty item for most people but there can be a strong psychological affect gained from its usage that surpasses the physical pleasure. Or maybe it just hurts like hell, see for yourself.

And to cap this entry off we have some femdom, this is more the sort of pornographic femdom where it’s questionable just how much pain the man is actually in but there is very little free hard BDSM content out there so this is what you get, and a lot of people like to see that kind of thing and it’s got a fair length. I recommend leaving it running while you eat a bowl of granola or something like that.

 

The importance of stretching exercises Thursday, Apr 3 2008 

adult and dildos and redtube and videos , , , , , reuche 5:29 pm

Personally I watch pornography to be amused rather than aroused. Today while browsing on Redtube I’ve come across quite a little gem which is possibly just an advertisement for a website. But the strangeness of the 3 minute clip is the situation. You have a blonde woman using large dildos on herself on a crappy table in a room with dildos packaged on the walls as two men who are probably just dressed as doctors watch on. When it comes time for the finale a dumpy older man comes in “to check how things are going” and then he pushes against her as the two other guys (one of whom is black of course) try to insert as much of a dildo that looks to be the size of my leg into her as possible. They warn not to try it at home, that it’s a professional whore. And indeed you have to be a certain type to get a leg shoved up against your cervix. hmm well it might be worth a look here, enjoy if large insertions and humiliation are your thing.

 

I wouldn’t mind if bukkake disappeared but… Saturday, Mar 15 2008 

absurdity and adult and anal , , , , , , , , reuche 7:30 pm

Sooooo this is kind of an interesting concept, female bukkake. If that clip is any indication it doesn’t work out quite right, or at least it doesn’t work as smoothly as male bukkake does. But whoever came up with the idea is some sort of genius of perversion and I can respect that. I’m not a very big bukkake fan in general though, it’s just a bit boring and messy to me. Mostly messy. One does have to wonder how many loads from how many men it would take to fill up that bathtub though right?

For those not familiar with bukkake the basic idea is to have a group of men, generally a very large group,  ejaculate onto a single woman. Usually the woman is sitting, often she’s holding some sort of catch for the semen, and if so then she will typically attempt to drink it all. Which can be pretty extreme in the case of really large bowls. Otherwise the men will attempt to plaster her, or fill her mouth which she’ll typically spit out, maybe into a bowl or maybe just out onto herself and so on. Like I said it’s pretty messy. By the way I’m pretty sure that the bukkake concept, as well as the name, originated in japan from “打っ掛け 【ぶっかけ】 (n) (1) (uk) (sl) splashing on; splashing at” (Jdic as it was never intended to be used) and is pronounced, to my knowledge, something like beh-kaw-kay. I think I’ve only ever said the word out loud to refer to someone’s extremely dirty car windshield.

So looking at porn I was reminded of something else, aside from batteries, that you really shouldn’t insert into your body. As a general rule anything that can have a part come off should not be inserted, including lego constructs and other such things. But definitely candles are something you shouldn’t put in, not to mention butter (well OK I might pay money to see someone try and shove sticks of butter up their anus). Probably the internal temperature of the human body is not going to be enough to melt a candle’s wax, but candles can pretty easily break off at least in part when used as a dildo. And they tend to be made out of some pretty funky stuff anymore, especially the scented ones. If you get a particularly aromatic candle you’re almost guaranteed to be allergic to something in it anymore. Do you really want to break out in a strange rash inside your ass?

I think the only thing I’ve particularly endorsed for anal insertions is a dildo/vibrator although I did mention blunt tools, brushes (tooth brushes), capped pens, and flash lights. I suppose you could put a penis up there if you want, I’d recommend a condom on that penis for the bearer’s sanitation, easy enough for someone to get a bladder or urethral infection from going bareback you know? Allegedly anal sex is the most likely sex act to transmit HIV. That’s not good. Supposedly anal play doesn’t increase incontinence so that’s good news. Although I don’t believe for a minute that if you can insert a gigantic plug or take a fist up there that it makes no difference when you defecate. Which reminds me: don’t stick anything in all the way that isn’t attached (like an egg vibrator with a remote cable), you don’t want to lose anything inside either hole do you?